Mother-in-Law or Monster-in-Law?
After 17 years in the wedding industry, I’ve seen how deeply the relationship between a bride, a groom, and their mothers can impact the wedding planning process—and, ultimately, the couple’s future together. A wedding is the beginning of the bride and groom’s family, and, as tough as it is for us moms, we are no longer the center of that.
In many weddings, I’ve observed a beautiful collaboration between the mothers. These women, who have spent years nurturing and caring for their children, come together to celebrate the union of their beloved kids. The mother-in-laws’ shared joy and mutual respect create a harmonious atmosphere, making the wedding planning smoother and more enjoyable for everyone involved.
However, not all experiences are seamless. Horror stories of the dreaded Monster-in-Law seem to flood social media—mothers who wear white to upstage the bride, cry loudly during the vows, or even cancel vendors and replace them with their own choices. The craziness is limitless. While these stories may be numerous, I’ve never personally witnessed anything so extreme. I believe most Monsters are simply struggling with letting go of their babies, but deep down, they have their child’s best interests at heart. So, how can we avoid becoming the feared Monster-in-Law and instead support the couple in the best way possible?
What NOT To Do:.
Don’t Overstep Boundaries! As mothers, we need to remember not to control the decisions that the bride and groom should make. Despite having made decisions for much of our children’s lives, they are now adults. They have their own vision for their wedding, and it’s time for them to start making grown-up choices and bonding as they create their own families.
Don’t Interfere with the Guest List! This tip often relates to finances, and respecting the budget is essential. Adding guests without permission or insisting on invites the couple doesn’t want can disrupt the budget and potentially hinder the couple’s vision. Additionally, remember that this is the bride and groom’s day, and they should be surrounded by the people they choose. Their vision for their special day is more important than making sure everyone you know gets an invite.
Don’t Criticize the Bride or Groom! This tip can be tough, but it’s a good practice for when you become a grandparent! LOL! The bride or groom is your pride and joy—you’ve spent years loving, raising, and instilling your values. But now they’re adults and have their own path to follow. We can no longer control their vision for their wedding. We have to learn to smile, nod, and offer kind words. Don’t make comments about the dress, the venue, or the food. Let them enjoy their day.
What TO Do:.
Do Offer Support! Be a sounding board, a coach, a cheerleader, or even an assistant to the couple. Let them take the lead, but don’t try to take over. This is the couple’s day, not yours. It’s a time to practice having a servant’s heart. How can you help the couple? They’re facing significant stress; anything you can do to ease that burden while respecting their vision is a big plus.
Do Keep Family Drama to a Minimum! We all have those family members who thrive on drama. Whether it’s a sibling or a distant cousin, it’s essential to keep the peace. Focus on your child and their happiness, not on the person trying to stir trouble. Keeping the couple’s well-being front and center will help you navigate the tricky moments.
Do Support the Couple’s Marriage! A wedding is one day, but a marriage is a lifetime. Your child is starting a new chapter in their life, and they will create their own traditions and customs with their spouse. You’ve given them all you can; now it’s time to transition from parent to friend. They’ll always be your baby, but you must respect their new family dynamic. Support their marriage by being a positive role model, creating a welcoming atmosphere when they visit, and being emotionally present. These actions will help keep the relationship strong and meaningful.
As both a mother and a coach, I know how challenging it can be to adjust to this new dynamic. But embracing this change has been an incredibly rewarding experience. Supporting my children and their partners as they started their new chapter has brought me immense joy and fulfillment.
The wedding day is a celebration of love, unity, and new beginnings. By fostering open communication, setting healthy boundaries, and supporting the couple’s vision, we can help make this day full of love and joy for everyone involved.
